Believing God

Well, we haven't peeled ourselves off the ceiling yet, but if I waited for that day to come I may never blog again! Thank you for all your warm wishes. It truly makes it sweeter to be able to share the joy and excitement of those who have prayed alongside me.

I want to take a minute to record the events leading up to finding out about the pregnancy. After blood work and fertility testing throughout this past year, it was a mystery to the doctors as to why I was not yet pregnant. Everything looked great on paper, yet after over a year of trying, we were still without a second child.

Because my progesterone levels did seem a bit on the low end, we decided to go ahead with natural progesterone supplementation. The first month, I was very hopeful. But after seeing no results as late November rolled around, the doctor concluded it was time for me to move on to a fertility specialist. Her exact words were, "The progesterone is a long shot. It my opinion you need a miracle for it to work. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time on it.... just go find a fertility specialist."

I was devastated. Having walked that road with my sister to achieve her first pregnancy, I knew all too well about the decisions I would be facing and it completely overwhelmed me! After much discussion with Chris, we decided to do nothing but pray about the situation until the New Year.

During that time, I told God that I was in need of some major encouragement. I desperately wanted to cling to and believe His promises, but my heart was getting weary. I begged Him to renew my spirit.

That afternoon, I "happened" upon Beth Moore's book Believing God at our library. By no accident, it was the exact encouragement I needed. I clung to the truth in her wisdom and was once again reminded of God's faithfulness to me. With her urging, going back through all the times He had come through for me in the past, pushed me to truly BELIEVE He would do it for my future.

I faithfully recited the pledge, "God is who He says He is! He can do what He says He can do! I am who He says I am! I can do all things through Christ! His Word is alive and active in me!" Park belted them out right alongside me. He even wore a blue bracelet on his wrist, too.

The night before I took the pregnancy test, I finished Chapter 15 entitled "Believing God When Victory Requires Your All." I read in the Bible of the time that the Lord caused the sun and moon to stand still, simply because Joshua asked and believed Him for it. Joshua had a deep need that caused him to pray a big prayer to His big God. Beth's words jumped out at me from the page....."You need to know and count on the fact that God is willing to interrupt the very laws of nature to perform his will."

Wow. Those words spoke to the very heart of where I was in that moment.

And so I prayed, "Lord, whether I am pregnant right now or not, you have the ability to make it happen before tomorrow morning. I am counting on your willingness to interrupt the very laws of nature to perform your will. Your word says be fruitful and multiply. I believe you for this! And whether it is tomorrow or five years from now, you will see this to completion because you are who you say you are!"

And I slept in the peace and assurance that He gave me.

That morning (January 4), my hands shook as I took the test, but my heart was still before the Lord. I had renewed trust that His grace truly was sufficient. I knew that He was saying yes to the heart of my request even if He did not say yes to the timing.

And then the double pink lines appeared.

The tears streamed down my face, as I dropped to my knees in worship. I had witnessed His miracle. Moments later, Chris celebrated with me. And I can't even express the sheer joy of seeing Park's eyes light up when we were able to tell him that God answered our prayers.

The Lord could have given us this pregnancy a year, months, or days before that moment. He could have answered our first, tenth or hundredth request. He could have provided before we ever asked.

But He didn't.

Instead, He chose to give us this baby only after he had given us a closer view of Himself. And only in hindsight do I realize how much we would have missed out on, if He had done it my way instead of His own.

Thank you Jesus, that you are never early, never late. Your ways are not ours, they are infinitely better. And I pray that others, currently in the throws of the infertility journey, will cling to that truth even when their heart is breaking. I will be praying this on their behalf, as well.

Our baby is due September 11. That makes me almost 6 weeks pregnant and feeling great. My progesterone and HCG levels look great and next week we will hear the baby's heartbeat. Come September, we will meet God's handiwork face to face and I will hold in my arms the tangible reminder of his favor, mercy, love, grace, wisdom, and willingness to work on my behalf.

(And much to the dismay of Sarah and Bridget, we will once again wait to find out the sex of this baby until he/she arrives:)