Restoration: Presli's Birth Story

One week ago today our lives were forever changed as we welcomed our baby girl into the world.

So far, life with Presli has been a complete joy for all of us. Park is in love with her and she already has Chris completely wrapped around her sweet finger. As for me, any questions I ever had about how I would love another child as much as Park were answered the moment I layed eyes on her.

*WARNING: Below is the story of her birth, which includes words such as "dilation" and "water breaking", as well as being rather lengthy. Read ahead at your own comfort level.

At 37 weeks I was encouraged to learn I was dilated to a 2 and by the next week I was already a 4. I had many Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the pregnancy, but they began to pick up in intensity the weekend before her birth. On September 1st, I felt that heaviness that precedes labor and wondered if our baby would come within the next several days.

Although the contractions seemed to be a lot stronger, they were very sporadic. By about 6 that evening, I was extremely happy to see Chris walk through the door. I felt tired and the contractions were starting to get stronger and come every 30 minutes. We put Park to bed around 8, but I became really unsure this was "it" because they seemed to be getting further apart rather than closer together.

I tried to go to bed about 9 to rest up for the days to come, but finally got up around 10 after finding it impossible to sleep. By 10:30 I started to panic a bit. Chris was helping me manage each contraction but I began questioning how these "early" contractions could feel so intense and how on earth I would handle the stronger ones at the end.

I remembered the last contractions with Park and was I crazy or did these feel that same intensity? But, considering they were still thirty minutes apart it seemed completely ridiculous to go to the hospital at that point.

By 11:30, I was so glad we had not gone to the hospital because they stopped all together. Certain labor wouldn't start until the next day, Chris and I went to bed around midnight until I was awakened by a horribly strong contraction at 1:30. It was so intense I did not have time to wake Chris and after it passed I decided to time one more before dragging us to the hospital unnecessarily.

The next one did not happen until right before 2 and it was very rough, as well. Just as I was deciding that irrational or not, I was ready to call his mom to come stay with Park and head on to the hospital, another one hit about 2 minutes later.

At this point, I begin to have the sinking feeling that we may have waited too long to start our 20 minute drive to the hospital. With the contractions coming on top of each other, we opted to call a neighbor to come until his mom could make it and headed out the door like a tornado. Chris knew I meant business when I barked at him to forget loading the suitcases and "GET TO DRIVING ALREADY!!"

He drove with the hazards on about double the legal speed limit, all the while calmly assuring me that we had plenty of time.

Clearly, he was not the one sitting on someones head.

About 5 miles shy of the hospital I announced that I absolutely had to push.

Enter Chris' 911 phone call.

I think Chris may be the only husband in the history of roadside deliveries who remained completely calm while communicating to the operator that we were minutes from having our baby in the car and under no circumstances should the police pull us over for speeding.

And then he firmly instructed me to sit tight and not push, he would have us there before I knew it. In retrospect I appreciate his even tone, but at the time his calm demeanor may or may not have caused some mild irritation that led me to share how I really felt about his "sitting tight" idea.

And then my water broke.

Thankfully it released enough pressure to allow me to "sit tight" for the remaining two minutes until we burned rubber into the hospital parking lot. Somehow we made it up to labor and delivery in time for me to announce I was "HAVING A BABY RIGHT NOW!"

And here is where the real fun began.

The nurse at the desk asked me to give her some details so she could pull up my information, and then asked me to describe my contractions because depending on what happened after being checked, I "may or may not be sent back home for false labor."

Never mind that I could not breath, let alone talk. Or that I had water dripping down my leg.

Here is where Chris (in his overly calm voice) explains that I am about to have a baby. Clearly not convinced, the nurse asks me to walk down to triage (because every room was already filled), get a gown on and wait to be checked.

Sadly, I was not as calm as hubby when I personally assured her, "I'm ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY!!"

By some miracle they decided to skip some steps and just check me and that is when everyone flew into high speed mode. "Get her doctor here NOW!!" I heard, as they rushed me into a room.

Somehow I now took precedence over the 32 other women there to give birth that same night. Seriously, 32. Is that not insane?

I was told I was a 9 1/2, but Nancy the Nurse was not fooling me that they were trying to stall, hoping to keep me from pushing until my doctor arrived.

The next 10 minutes were a blur, as everyone around me went into frenzy mode. Although my focus was on managing contractions, I vaguely remember being stuck repeatedly as they tried in vain (pun intended) to get a hep lock in my arm.

Another nurse was on the phone calling representatives from the neonatal unit to come up in preparation for an unassisted delivery. The table was being broken down and I was told to pant through the next few contractions. I told the nurse I had pushed for over 5 hours with my son and asked her to go ahead and let me at least get started for crying out loud.

As my legs went in the stirrups my doctor flew through the door, putting his scrubs on as he went. As deeply as I felt the need to push, I also felt the need to get my hair into a ponytail ASAP and a kind nurse gladly ripped the rubber band from her own hair to place around mine. Tresses firmly in place, I was ready to get down to business.

The first push brought back all the fear from Park's delivery and without meaning to, I felt myself hold back. My typically mild mannered doctor, fully aware of my previous experience and wanting to keep me from panic mode, informed me, "That was pathetic! Now bear down and push like you want to meet this baby! The head is crowning and you can do this. I give you about a 4 for effort and I need a 10. Let's do this!"

Nothing like a good pep talk to motivate a girl in pain. I pushed like I MEANT it and the next thing I knew I saw what looked to be a carbon copy of my Park being layed on my chest. I had seen the umbilical cord between her legs just moments before I heard Chris scream, "It's a GIRL!!!!"

After double checking, indeed, he was right.

He cried tears of joy and I cried tears of relief that we had made it and our baby girl was healthy and here in our arms.

And it all happened less than 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital. Thank you Dr. White for running the 4 red lights from your house to the hospital.

Everything from getting pregnant to facing fears from my previous labor/postpartum recovery provided me with the opportunity to lean more on Jesus. As has been true throughout my walk with Him, He has once again proven 100 percent faithful and trustworthy. When I look into Presli's eyes, I'm reminded that He is the Redeemer- full of grace, mercy, and restoration. He alone knows what we need and when we need it.

And speaking of that, my next post will pick up with big brother's reaction to meeting his new baby sister....

Rough and Tumble Sensitivity

Yes, I am alive.

Still comatose, but joyfully alive.

Lately, with my new "sleeping schedule", I've had a hard time balancing blogging with clean laundry and food for my family. So, I decided they could go hungry for one night in order for me to give y'all a brief update.

Priorities, right?

Well, sandwiches for dinner doesn't really count as starving does it? To be completely honest, I think Park and Chris are secretly relieved that I've been too tired to cook lately. After all, faking edibility probably gets challenging night after night.

However, Chris did not disappoint with his special Valentine's "I Love you" pancakes and Park requested to spend time individually with each of us, making creative presents to surprise the other with.

I ended up with a bouquet of paper flowers and Chris got a love puppet, constructed out of a paper bag, a million cut-out hearts, and a little boy's creativity. Neither of us could have been more thrilled with our gifts. I was especially pleased with the sensitivity our usually "rough and tumble" son showed with such a sweet gesture.

Never mind the fact that in the end, Park used Chris' puppet to eat my paper flowers.

Rough and tumble sensitivity is better than nothing, I tell you.

Park was so impressed with Valentine's this year that he has decided everyday should be "a day of love, Mommy!"

And although I think this idea was inspired because he adored his Spider man placement and mini etch-o-sketch so much, the concept is very valid.

We don't need a special day of the year to show people we love them. We should exude Christ's love to others every single day of our lives.

Now, I wish I could say that I live this out a hundred percent of the time or that I make a habit of putting other people's needs above my own. But the truth is I am selfish. Oftentimes, it takes other people in my life serving me to remind me that I am called to give self sacrificing love to others.

I'm so inspired by all the people I am surrounded with who are actively practicing this type of love. And although my sensitivity may be rough around the edges, I'm thankful that God isn't done with me yet.

Rough and tumble sensitivity is better than nothing, I tell you.

Let me introduce you to....

Our little miracle! (and I do mean LITTLE:)
Praising the Lord for a strong flickering heartbeat!

Chris has already declared that the baby looks just like him. Can't you just see the resemblance?

After today, Park, on the other hand, voiced some serious concern.

"Mommy, I'm afraid our baby will come out looking like a peanut. Don't worry, I'll still love him, though. And I'll try not to eat him."

What a great big brother he is going to be!

I claimed this verse when I was believing for our baby, so it is especially sweet to read it now, as I turn in for bed.

(And for those of you still waiting for your miracle, I claim it on your behalf tonight.)

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Psalm 139:13-17

Believing God

Well, we haven't peeled ourselves off the ceiling yet, but if I waited for that day to come I may never blog again! Thank you for all your warm wishes. It truly makes it sweeter to be able to share the joy and excitement of those who have prayed alongside me.

I want to take a minute to record the events leading up to finding out about the pregnancy. After blood work and fertility testing throughout this past year, it was a mystery to the doctors as to why I was not yet pregnant. Everything looked great on paper, yet after over a year of trying, we were still without a second child.

Because my progesterone levels did seem a bit on the low end, we decided to go ahead with natural progesterone supplementation. The first month, I was very hopeful. But after seeing no results as late November rolled around, the doctor concluded it was time for me to move on to a fertility specialist. Her exact words were, "The progesterone is a long shot. It my opinion you need a miracle for it to work. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time on it.... just go find a fertility specialist."

I was devastated. Having walked that road with my sister to achieve her first pregnancy, I knew all too well about the decisions I would be facing and it completely overwhelmed me! After much discussion with Chris, we decided to do nothing but pray about the situation until the New Year.

During that time, I told God that I was in need of some major encouragement. I desperately wanted to cling to and believe His promises, but my heart was getting weary. I begged Him to renew my spirit.

That afternoon, I "happened" upon Beth Moore's book Believing God at our library. By no accident, it was the exact encouragement I needed. I clung to the truth in her wisdom and was once again reminded of God's faithfulness to me. With her urging, going back through all the times He had come through for me in the past, pushed me to truly BELIEVE He would do it for my future.

I faithfully recited the pledge, "God is who He says He is! He can do what He says He can do! I am who He says I am! I can do all things through Christ! His Word is alive and active in me!" Park belted them out right alongside me. He even wore a blue bracelet on his wrist, too.

The night before I took the pregnancy test, I finished Chapter 15 entitled "Believing God When Victory Requires Your All." I read in the Bible of the time that the Lord caused the sun and moon to stand still, simply because Joshua asked and believed Him for it. Joshua had a deep need that caused him to pray a big prayer to His big God. Beth's words jumped out at me from the page....."You need to know and count on the fact that God is willing to interrupt the very laws of nature to perform his will."

Wow. Those words spoke to the very heart of where I was in that moment.

And so I prayed, "Lord, whether I am pregnant right now or not, you have the ability to make it happen before tomorrow morning. I am counting on your willingness to interrupt the very laws of nature to perform your will. Your word says be fruitful and multiply. I believe you for this! And whether it is tomorrow or five years from now, you will see this to completion because you are who you say you are!"

And I slept in the peace and assurance that He gave me.

That morning (January 4), my hands shook as I took the test, but my heart was still before the Lord. I had renewed trust that His grace truly was sufficient. I knew that He was saying yes to the heart of my request even if He did not say yes to the timing.

And then the double pink lines appeared.

The tears streamed down my face, as I dropped to my knees in worship. I had witnessed His miracle. Moments later, Chris celebrated with me. And I can't even express the sheer joy of seeing Park's eyes light up when we were able to tell him that God answered our prayers.

The Lord could have given us this pregnancy a year, months, or days before that moment. He could have answered our first, tenth or hundredth request. He could have provided before we ever asked.

But He didn't.

Instead, He chose to give us this baby only after he had given us a closer view of Himself. And only in hindsight do I realize how much we would have missed out on, if He had done it my way instead of His own.

Thank you Jesus, that you are never early, never late. Your ways are not ours, they are infinitely better. And I pray that others, currently in the throws of the infertility journey, will cling to that truth even when their heart is breaking. I will be praying this on their behalf, as well.

Our baby is due September 11. That makes me almost 6 weeks pregnant and feeling great. My progesterone and HCG levels look great and next week we will hear the baby's heartbeat. Come September, we will meet God's handiwork face to face and I will hold in my arms the tangible reminder of his favor, mercy, love, grace, wisdom, and willingness to work on my behalf.

(And much to the dismay of Sarah and Bridget, we will once again wait to find out the sex of this baby until he/she arrives:)

He DID It!

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and HE WILL DO IT." -Psalm 37:4,5

Thank you, sweet Jesus!

(And thank you, precious friends, who have covered me in prayer throughout this journey! More details to follow as soon as we are able to peel ourselves off the ceiling:)

Draw Me Close to You

I didn't realize that I was going to take a mid-Winter sabbatical from blogging, but it looks like I did anyway. Hopefully, the New Year will be a different story, or else even I am going to quit reading this dead- beat blog:).

Christmas was a blast this year. Park could not have had more fun if he tried and we were able to spend lots of time with each side of the family. We also managed to squeeze in some time at the lake, where many hours of intense board game action took place after the kiddos turned in for the night.

Looking back at 2008, I feel like the Lord has stretched me incredibly. There were so many blessings that the year held, but probably the most unexpected one was how He has chosen to refine me through longing.

If you follow this blog much, it is no secret that we have been desperately yearning for a second child this last year. At times I've even felt like it has been the very thorn in my flesh that Paul so eloquently describes.

Over the last year, I have had the opportunity to celebrate the pregnancies of my sister, my sister-in-law, Bridget, my neighbors on each side, and 6 other close friends. Sharing in their joy also increased my own longing. During this season of waiting, there have been points where my heart has felt very alone and forgotten, even though my head knows Jesus has been with me every step.

But, although the road He has had me walking this year has been heart wrenching at times, it is also the very thing that has driven me to believe His promises like I never have before. My longing has given me a new view of His supernatural peace, mercy, grace and perseverance.

It has drawn me closer to the very heart of who He is.

What the devil has meant to harm me, the Lord has used for my good.

And who am I to argue with that?

Too many times, though, my eyes get so focused on what I think He is "not giving me" that I miss what He IS giving me. In my life experience I have found that when God temporarily allows yearning in my life in one area, He is quick to bless me in another.

And that brings me to some exciting news....

Chris and I have experienced a unique, unexpected blessing. Our seven years of ministry together have been centered around high school students. We have seen God do amazing things in the lives of thousands of students and we have been in awe of where he has taken us throughout the journey.

And now, we have a new opportunity to expand our ministry even further. About a month ago our Sr. Pastor asked Chris to become the Campus Pastor for Fellowship Church's Fort Worth satellite campus. We are so excited for the opportunity and for all God has planned for the city of Fort Worth in 2009. If you live in the area, we would love to invite you to our Sunday services. You can find more information here.

As for my personal journey in 2009, I can't be sure what the future holds, but I am certain that the One who holds my future will continue to use my circumstances to draw me closer to the very heart of who He is.

And who am I to argue with that?

The Jesse Tree

Christmas in in full swing here at Holding Little Hands and family.

Being married to a pastor has taught me that it is imperative to take advantage of holiday festivities immediately following Thanksgiving, in order to free up our schedules for the weeks leading up to Christmas.

So far, the agenda has included a visit to the Gaylord, a trip on the North Pole Express train, a viewing of the Polar Express, and a pancake breakfast scheduled with Santa. Also in the mix are plans for a holiday party, the building of a ginger bread house, a celebration of Chris' 30th birthday, and an early Christmas with one side of the family.

All of that, and yet we still don't have a decent Christmas card picture to show for it.

Go figure.

I love all the glitz and dreaminess of Christmas. However, as much as I want Park to have fond memories of baking Christmas yummies and partaking in holiday festivities, I pray that those pale in comparison to his memories of how our family celebrates the birth of our Saviour.

In light of this, we have added a new tradition this year that I would highly recommend to anyone looking to instill the true value of Christmas in their children.

It is called the Jesse Tree.

The Jesse Tree is named from Isaiah 11:1: "A shoot will spring forth from the stump of Jesse, and a branch out of his roots." It is a vehicle to tell the Story of God in the Old Testament, and to connect the Advent Season with the faithfulness of God across thousands of years of history.

There are many creative ways this can be done, but in our family it simply looks like this:

Starting on Nov 30, we began reading passages of scripture each night. We've been using Park's Classic Bible Story Book (which I LOVE!), and supplementing scriptures from our own Bibles. After reading the story, we memorize a short verse of scripture and make an ornament that represents what we have read. (So far, we have only been using very basic art supplies such as yarn, Popsicle sticks, foam sheets, construction paper, cotton and so on)

Each night, we hang the new ornament on a special Christmas tree that is in Park's bedroom. As we place it on the tree, we take a minute to look at the previous ornaments and briefly recap the theme and scripture we learned from the nights before.

I am amazed at how much he is remembering and how much he looks forward to the activities that the next night holds. It has become the highlight of the day for each of us.

If you are interested in duplicating this tradition for your own family, you could easily use a modified version of this for the remaining days. To simplify, listed below are the passages we are using and (the symbol) we are basing our ornament on:

Introduction of the Jesse Tree
1 Sam 16:1-13 Isa 11:1-1: (The Tree)

Creation- God Made Everything in His Image
Gen 1:1-2, 3 (Sun)

Adam and Eve- Consequences for our Actions
Gen 2 and 3 exerpts (Apple)

Noah- The Flood
Gen 6:11-22, 7:17-8:12, 8, 20-9:17 (Rainbow)

Abraham- The Promise
Gen 12:1-7, 15:1-6, 17, 18 (Tent)

Isaac and Rebekah- Going Above and Beyond
Gen 24 (Camel)

Jacob- Assurance of the Promise
Gen 27:41-28: 22 (Ladder)

Joseph-God's Providence
Gen 37, 39:1-50:21 (Coat)

Moses-God's Leadership and Provision
Exodus 2:1-4:20, Exodus 12-18 excerpts (Manna)

The Ten Commandments
Exodus 19-32 excerpts, Deuteronomy 34 (Stone Tablet)

Joshua-The Fall of Jericho and Entering The Promised Land
Deuteronomy 33, Joshua 1-5 excerpts (Sandal)

Gideon-Unlikely Heroes
Judges 6, 7 (Trumpet)

Samson- Importance of Staying in God's Boundaries
Judges 13-16 excerpts (Flexed Arm Muscle)

Ruth- God Rewards Loyalty
Book of Ruth excerpts (Wheat)

Hannah's Promise- Samuel Listened to God
1 Samuel 1-3 excerpts (Ear)

David and Goliath- Fear Not
1 Samuel 16, 17 (Sling Shot)

David the King- Becoming a Man after God's Own Heart
1 Samuel 18, 26, 31 excerpts, 2 Samuel 6, 7 excerpts (Harp)

King Solomon- Fulfillment of God's Promise
1Kings 1, 3, 8 excerpts (Crown)

Jonah- Obeying God the First Time
Book of Jonah (Fish)

Three Faithful Men- Following God Wholeheartedly
Daniel 3 (Fire)

Daniel- God is in Control
Daniel 6 (Lion)

Nehemiah- Rebuilding and Gathering Together
The Book of Nehemiah excerpts (Shovel)

Mary- Being Willing to Accept the Call
Luke 1 (Silhouette of Mary)

Jesus -Birth of the Messiah
Luke 2:1-20 (Manger Scene)

*Pictures to follow when blogger cooperates:)

We may not end up with a great Christmas card photo this year, but I'm so thankful that snapshots of Jesus are being stored up in Park's heart.

Inspiring Minds Want to Know

Sarah, Bridget and I just concluded hosting our second Savor event and this month’s topic was “Parenting with an Eternal Perspective.”

I believe that every Christ-following mother has incredible intentions when it comes to the discipleship of her children. However, our dishwashers get full, laundry piles high, and our children constantly need food to eat. (What’s up with that, by the way?)

Somehow in the midst of it all, we get sidetracked with the every day things and lose sight of our ultimate responsibility as mothers.

So, our goal for this Savor was to give mothers (ourselves included) some practical tools for success.

Sally Clarkson’s “The Ministry of Motherhood” does an incredible job of dividing discipleship into 5 categories; Grace, Inspiration, Faith, Training, and Service. And possibly even more helpful, those categories spell out the acronym GIFTS.

For today’s post, I’ll focus on what God has been teaching me about “I”.

Inspiration: Inspiring our children to see the power and majesty of God.

If there is any church in America that models this concept it is Fellowship Church. (Clearly, our Pastor's sermon this weekend, entitled "Seven Days of S*x", illustrates this point! ) I absolutely love the creativity at our church. And the reason our church is so intentional about utilizing creativity is because our God is so creative and we (and our children) are made in his image.

Based on that premise, it is so important for me to seek to expose my son to the evidence of God’s artistry all around us. Not only to just expose him, but to teach him to respond with gratitude, as well as creative endeavors of his own.

Park started teaching me this concept very early on. I believe I’ve mentioned once (or a thousand times) that my child was born more oral than dental floss. He puts EVERYTHING into his mouth and I do mean EVERYTHING!

When he was 15 months old, we were playing outside and he found a dead spider and actually ate it!

Now, I’m not exactly sure that this is what the Psalmist had in mind when he said, “Taste and see that the Lord is good”.

However, it does illustrate the point that our children are born with a hunger to experience the world around them, an insatiable appetite to explore the vastness of God’s creation.

But helping Park enjoy and appreciate God’s handiwork requires a choice on my part. Because if I were to be completely honest, it would be a stretch to describe myself as outdoorsy or even the least bit artsy crafty.

Just mention the word scrap booking and see me break out into hives.

But I strive to expose Park to nature, music, cooking together, plays, arts and crafts, books, Holiday traditions, field trips, and consistently modeling creativity in my own life.

And yes, that means I have to be willing to embrace the spilled paint, broken crayons, inconveniences, and hassles that go along with it. Because we all know projects never go as planned with small children!

But, all of that is worth it if I can even give him a glimpse of the creativity and majesty of our God.

And much to my relief, according to Sally, wise, creative mothers did not necessarily get that way on their own. A wise woman has learned to imitate lots of other wise women; the creativity comes in adapting those ideas to fit the needs of her own family.

One of the things I love about the blogging community is the ability to learn from wise mothers all around me- women I may never meet face to face, yet their ideas are helping make an eternal difference in the life of my son.

Now if that isn’t inspiring, I don’t know what is.

Hope Floats

Today I took Park to story time at the library, followed by some time at the adjacent playground.

I was struck by how grown up he has become as he sat on his little square of rug, intently listening to the librarian. He excitedly sang about the monkeys jumping on the bed and stomped his feet to "If You're Happy and You Know It", glancing back at me every so often to flash a big grin.

In that moment, I thanked God for giving me some extra, unexpected time of having Park as my only child. My heart swelled with love as I showered him with my undivided attention. Despite my longing for another baby, God is revealing to me the joy in trusting Him with my current circumstances and fully appreciating the blessing of where He has me in this moment.

To be completely honest, some days I am much better at this than others.

Oftentimes I feel more like Peter, as he took his gaze off of Jesus after being summoned out of the boat. That calm tranquility of locking eyes with His Saviour quickly turned into a sinking panic as he changed his focus to the high waves that enveloped him.

Today, as we made our way to the playground I began to push Park on a swing that put us in close proximity to a conversation taking place between two other mothers. Both women had 3 small children of their own and they were discussing if they would have more children.

One mother said, "If we do, I will not wait long. I don't understand why anyone would have their children spread out. Don't they realize how hard they are making it on themselves? Their children will never entertain each other and they surely won't have close relationships down the road."

The other mother nodded her head in agreement and went on to tell a story about one of her friends who had a two year old and "wasn't even thinking of trying for another anytime soon." The two shook their heads in disgust as one of the women summed up the situation with, "If you have your kids further than three years apart, it almost seems like it wouldn't even be worth it to have another child."

Suddenly, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, as the peace and joy I'd experienced in the library trickled away. I broke my gaze with Jesus and the high waves enveloped me in a big way.

Being that they were clearly oblivious to my presence, there is no doubt that they meant no harm by their conversation. But, in addition to being hurt by their careless words, I began to feel a righteous indignation boiling in my blood.

How could they be so ignorant? What gives them the right to belittle God's timing in other people's lives? How insensitive to speak so negatively of things they haven't experienced!

But in that angry moment, God reminded me that I, too, have been guilty of speaking with authority on things I know nothing about. Guilty of unintentionally making incorrect assumptions or insensitive statements when I wasn't the least bit aware of what that person's private life entailed.

Just the other day in Bible study I was looking at a beautifully put together, well groomed woman. I marveled at her cute hair cut and designer clothing, secretly thinking that she must be either materialistic or vain to put that much effort into her appearance.

Green eyed monster, anyone?

Imagine my shame when I mentioned how cute her haircut was and she responded that this was the first day she felt well in so long that she had decided to go all out in getting ready that morning.

She was in the throws of battling stage four breast cancer. Oh, and that cute haircut?... A wig, covering her precious bald head.

As women, why are we often so quick to go negative about other women? We are so full of opinions and overflowing with such an abundance of words, that we sometimes forget to use them to build others up; to encourage a sister in need; or simply to discern when NOT to speak.

My righteous indignation at the playground melted into a broken hearted repentance and a new realization.

It's high tide, friends.

Women all around us are facing unimaginable waves and being asked to get out of the boat and walk in faith. (Jesus did not say IF trouble comes, but rather WHEN!) The Bible makes it crystal clear that the key to weathering storms is to keep our eyes on Jesus. But perhaps just as important, I'm realizing that I don't want my careless words to be the stumbling block that causes someone else to break their gaze with Him.

Ladies, let's speak words of life to sinking sisters in need!

May the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart be pleasing to you O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Savoring the Gift of Motherhood

Last year, our pastor's wife, Lisa Young, began a new ministry called Flavour that meets on a monthly basis at our church. It is a place where woman of all ages gather for an hour in the middle of the day to be encouraged and inspired to use the unique "flavour" God has given us to influence our families, friendships, and communities.

Recently, Lisa came to Bridget, Sarah, and me, to share with us that God has been expanding that vision even further.

He placed a desire in her heart to create a brand new ministry of Flavour that would provide a program specifically designed for mothers of young children to come together for refreshment, rejuvenation, and to embrace this remarkable time in life. She wants Fellowship Church to provide a place where women in the same season of life can befriend one another and find encouragement and support from other mothers who are currently in the trenches with them.

Definitely qualifying as women in the trenches, Bridget, Sarah, and I were asked to lead this new ministry called Savor. (And I can't even tell y'all how well this has worked for providing us with a great reason to increase our number of Chili's nights!)

In all seriousness, the three of our lives have been so enriched by our friendships with each other and we are so excited to see all the relationships that God will develop through women coming together to savor the gift of motherhood.

If you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, we would love to invite you to share this experience with us as we gather for the first time on Tuesday, Oct 7. Not only is it going to be fun and inspiring, but who can turn down free childcare?

Interested in more details? Click here.

Hurricane Ike

Updated: We praise the Lord for sparing the homes of my family. There is minimal damage for them personally, but the areas where they live have been hit very hard. Electricity is scarce and water damage has destroyed many of the surrounding cities. Please continue your prayers for all those facing the aftermath of Hurricane Ike.

Hurricane Ike is the hot topic around here. Although the Dallas area is going to get quite a bit of rain, it is not ourselves that we are concerned for.

My entire extended family (parents, grandparents, all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and their families) live directly in the path of this nasty hurricane. I praise the Lord that they have all evacuated safely, taking refuge in my sister's house in East TX, a family lake house near College Station, and our house in DFW.

Hurricane Rita left terrible damage in their area 3 years ago. Huge pine trees were uprooted and thrown into houses, but everything was livable and able to be rebuilt.

However, this storm is predicted to bring 12-25 feet of surging water. If the water exceeds 17 feet, all of my relatives homes and communities will be severely flooded, if not completely obliterated. Please be in prayer for not only our family, but the thousands of others who could be so deeply impacted by this hurricane.

We are so thankful that we serve a God bigger than circumstances. It has never been a secret that our earthly possessions are temporary. During this time of great uncertainty, my family takes comfort in Isaiah 54:10:

"For the mountains may depart and the hills disappear, even then I will remain loyal to you. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

Thank you for joining us in prayer.

More Than Enough

Almost 2 weeks have gone by since I last posted and I'm not exactly sure where I have been, but apparently I took some kind of a blogging break.

Our days have been filled with games of Candyland, racing hot wheel cars, eating Popsicles on the patio, and fitting in as many trips to the pool as possible before summer is officially gone.

And during spare moments in between all that fun, I've had my nose stuck in Sally Clarkson's The Mission of Motherhood. Sarah has raved about this book to me forever, but recently she entrusted her beloved marked up copy to my care and said, "You HAVE got to read this!"

Why did I not listen sooner? I love books that renew, strengthen and support the desires that God has already instilled upon my heart as a mother. This book has done all that and more. It has helped to reignite my passion and resolve for embracing God's call on my life during this particular season and to make the most of each opportunity I am given to minister to Park.

But I would be less than honest I did not share that this book has also increased a longing that already exists in my heart. For the last several years, Chris and I have been perfectly content for Park to be our only child. Although we knew we would eventually desire another baby, our family felt full and complete for the time being and we adore the one-on-one time we are able to spend with him.

Looking back, my entrance into motherhood was less than ideal. After a very easy conception and thoroughly enjoyable pregnancy, we were anxiously awaiting the little bundle of joy I had dreamed of all my life.

My labor started out very manageable, and I felt exceptionally prepared from my natural childbirth birthing classes and the midwives who were overseeing my care.

Until it was time to push.

NOTHING could have prepared me for Park's determination to come through the birth canal with both hands cupping his face and elbows pointed straight out. After 5 hours and 10 minutes of INTENSE pushing and exhaustion, I finally heard Chris utter those glorious words.

"It's a BOY!"

Except, I was so out of it by that point that it really didn't register until about 10 minutes later that we actually had a son. A week after his birth, I lost an exceptional amount of blood and was rushed to the hospital. Upon being released from a week long hospital stay, I was readmitted shortly thereafter with additional complications. During this time Park developed severe breathing issues and was unable to sleep unless held upright on someones chest. I was so weak, frail, and sleep deprived by this point, that we enlisted my parents to come and live with us for over a month.

And did I mention that Chris was promoted to be the Sr. High pastor during that time, as well?

There is so much more to this story that I would love to share at some point, but it will suffice to say that unexpected challenges engulfed our family during Park's entire first year of life. I remember rocking him the night before his first birthday and crying tears of joy and relief that we had indeed made it through.

And somewhere around that time the fog lifted and my life regained the rich fulfillment I dreamed motherhood would bring.

About 9 months ago, Chris and I decided to start trying for another baby. I have to be honest in saying my heart was a little apprehensive at the time, based on the rocky days described above. But as each month has passed, that longing has grown into a deep desire for the opportunity to bring another life into this world. Even though that opportunity has not yet come.

Having conceived Park without actually trying, I don't think I truly understood what a miracle it was for God to ordain that particular moment to speak his little life into existence. But as I wait for Jesus to bring another child to my womb, I am extremely aware that He alone is the author of life.

Believing is easy when things are going as expected, but it is in times of longing that the rubber really meets the road.

Do I truly believe God is All-powerful, All Knowing, and able to do immeasurably more than I can imagine? Do I trust His timing and believe in the things I cannot yet see ? Do I long for Him more than I long for what He can give me? Do I believe that His provision for each day is more than enough? Can I submit to His will NO MATTER WHAT?

I have walked with Jesus long enough to recognize that He will work out all things for my good. It doesn't mean I have to like it or understand it, but it does mean I recognize that He is God and I am not. I will choose to trust Him even when I don't feel like it. I will find contentment in the waiting, so that when the blessing comes, I will not have missed out on the enjoyment of the journey.

When Jesus sees fit, He will expand the mission of my motherhood. In the mean time, I pray I am faithful with what He has already entrusted to me, contently enjoying the fullness of loving Park.

And for today, that is more than enough.

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it." (Psalm. 37:4,5)

Rising Up to Take Their Place

When I woke up this morning and realized that today is our last full day at Allaso Ranch, it was a bittersweet moment. Sure, it will be nice to sleep in our own beds after a month away and have undivided attention to give to one another, but our time here has been so special and meaningful that it is hard to see it come to an end.

Which is precisely why I am so thankful that this is NOT the end.

Here at camp, it is just the beginning of the life change that God has in mind for our students. These past weeks have been truly indescribable. The only thing I can even type is that by His grace, there is a revival going on in the hearts and lives of high school students from across the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. During our six years of student ministry, we have never witnessed the level of worship and repentance that God has orchestrated in the lives of these students at Allaso Ranch.

After we unpack and sleep for a minimum of 24 hours (please Park, please), I will share some unbelievable stories and tons of pictures. Until then, we will be soaking up our last few meals prepared by the amazing Chef Jeff and his staff. We will be basking in the lazy river and spending some time telling the horses goodbye. We will be thanking the Allaso Ranch team and hundreds of volunteers for providing us with such hospitality and excellence. We will be giving God the glory for drawing students near to His heart and truly making this a place of change.

And we will continue our prayers and preparation for how He wants to use this student ministry in the fall to continue the work He has started at Allaso Ranch

Used

When Chris asked me to speak at The Mix, in the back of my mind, I had hoped he would do the majority of writing the message. After all, he speaks almost weekly and has much more experience with communicating God's word to large groups of people.

After being married to him for almost six years, you would think I would have known how this would go down, though.

See, Chris loves to empower others to succeed. He is known for putting the ball in someone's court and allowing them to determine what to do with it. Although he is there to offer guidance and support, he is a firm believer in allowing people to grow and flourish in challenging opportunities. He thrives on seeing God develop strength and character in those underneath his leadership.

Not only did he NOT write my message, he also selected me to speak on an "open" week, where topic choice was entirely up to me. The only direction he gave me was, "Wait on God. He will lead you to the message He wants you to teach."

And so I waited.

And waited and waited and waited some more....

Until two weeks before I was slated to speak, I awoke in the middle of the night with an indescribable assurance that my message would be titled, "Used" and it would entail something about an unlikely leader. And as thankful as I was that God had given me a title, I had absolutely no idea of the content or direction He wanted me to pursue. Not to mention, who was the unlikely leader and what on earth did that have to do with used?

Twenty-five minutes is a long time to stand on a stage, staring blankly at 400 high school students, with nothing to communicate, but a title and an unnamed, unlikely leader. Amen?

Thankfully, God wasn't done with my message just yet. At Bible study a few days later, we were learning about God's Will. The lesson had absolutely nothing to do with him, but the speaker briefly mentioned, something about "The unlikely leader, Gideon."

I about jumped out of my seat as if God had shouted through a megaphone right into my ear.

Now, I wish I could say that my Old Testament knowledge is so vast that I immediately knew the exact story the Lord wanted me to communicate, but the only thing I could recall of Gideon was something to do with him blowing a horn. And I'm pretty sure I pictured him in some type of band, rocking out while tooting his solo.

Not exactly Biblically sound truth.

But when I reread his story in the Judges 6 and 7, it was crystal clear why God had pointed me to this man. Although Gideon was an unlikely leader, a man with some serious junk in his past, God used him to conquer more enemies than any other person in the entire Bible.

Now, don't get me wrong, it was a rocky road to submission. God reduced his army from 32,000 men to just 300. Gideon wasn't even 100% convinced or confident in his abilities, despite God assuring him of victory. In fact, he tested God repeatedly and questioned if he was even worthy to serve. He was scared and unsure God could use him in the battle.

But regardless, Gideon was WILLING to fight anyway.

When I think of the word willing, I think of a man named E. King Gill. As you know, I am an Aggie and A&M is a school rich in tradition. In 1922, one of the most famous of those traditions was born, the 12th man. An underdog Aggie football team was playing the nation’s top ranked team (and I feel the need to clarify that it was not U.T.) Because of injury after injury, the Aggies were forced to dig deep into their reserves.

Everyone begin to get nervous if they would even have enough players to finish the game. So, the head coach called Gill, a former team member, out of his seat in the stands. E. King Gill suited up and stood ready on the sidelines the rest of the game. Later, he was quoted as saying, “I wish I could say that I went in and ran for the winning touchdown, but I didn’t. I simply stood willing in case the team needed me.”

Because of Gill’s example, today the entire student body at A&M (known as the 12th man) stands the whole game to show their support and willingness to be called on if needed. Now, can you imagine the fear and doubt that must have been going through Gill’s mind as he waited on those sidelines? But, regardless, he stood willing.

As a Christ follower, I can be honest with God about my doubt. It’s OK to say, “Lord, I am afraid…But I am willing!.”; “I am unsure…But I am willing!”; “I am overwhelmed,…But I am willing!” If you are like me, you can take comfort in knowing that we don’t have to be 100% confident or convinced to be willing. In fact, nowhere in Scripture did I read that Gideon shouted, “YES! I am pumped my army has been reduced to nothing! What are we waiting for? Let’s go kick some serious tail!”

But you know what? He did it anyway.

Despite the fact that Gideon was slow to be convinced, he was both chosen by and dependent on God. He got over looking at his past defeats and personal insecurities and simply seized the opportunity to be used.

Gideon was slow to be convinced, but he ACTED on his convictions. Too many times I have been slow to be convinced, putting God off for this reason or that. But Jesus continues to ask me, will you ACT on your convictions? He continues to present me with brand new opportunities to be used on a daily basis. As unsure as he may have felt, Gideon went forward with what the Lord called him to do and the Lord honored his willingness.

God did (and continues to do!) the same thing for me.

*Thank you, Chris, for not robbing me of knowing more of God's faithfulness in this speaking opportunity. By offering nothing more than guidance and support, you allowed me to grow and flourish, being totally dependent on Him. Most of all, thank you for allowing me to practice what I preach.

Available

In an effort to reflect on more positive events from last week, you will be happy to know that the focus of this post will have nothing to do with outdoor (or indoor, for that matter) bathroom usages.

Let's pause for a moment to exhale a collective sigh of relief.

Instead, I wanted to share something that God is doing in my life. For the past several months, I have been feeling a tug on my heart to become more "hands on" in Chris' ministry. Before Park was born, I was very invested in high school students and active in working right alongside my husband. I led small groups and spent much of my free time helping Chris build into youth. At the time, Chris was a Campus Team pastor under Sarah's husband, Pace, who wast the Sr. High pastor. One of the largest high schools that Chris was responsible for, was the same one where I taught. We had very strong relationships with those students and their adult volunteers.

A few weeks before Park was born, Chris was promoted to become the Sr. High pastor after Pace became the Worship pastor for the main service.

It was an incredibly unexpected time of life change for our family. Having left my job as a high school English teacher to become a stay-at-home mom, I was busy adjusting to my new position. As Chris transitioned into fatherhood, he was also learning new roles of leadership and more responsibility in ministry. It was a very challenging, yet amazingly rewarding time in our lives. Although I still attended Wed. night youth services, most of my former roles were no longer possible with the demands of a young infant. And since that point, I did small things here and there, but I never truly regained the same level of investment.

I have prayed faithfully for Chris' ministry and counseled with him on decisions and direction for many years, but recently God begin to reveal a new level of involvement He had in mind for me. Speaking. Now, because I have seen firsthand the amount of time and preparation that preaching calls for, I found myself very hesitant to respond. Surely I had misunderstood God! Not only did I not have the time or availability for it, but I was certain I didn't have the talent either. In a nutshell, I was SCARED!

However, God taught me once again that you don't have to be confident or convinced to do what He asks, you simply have to be willing.

So, last week, I spoke at The Mix, our church's high school youth service. The entire experience grew me in more ways than I can convey. And I am quite certain that I will say the same thing each and every time I speak in the future. For many years now, God has taught me that He will never ask me to do something that He does not give me the strength, wisdom, and ability to do. Apart from him I am capable of nothing, but in my weakness, His strength is revealed. When I am used in my inability, His name is glorified.

And quite appropriately, this is the precise topic He had me teach on last Wed. night; allowing God to use us for His purpose. Tomorrow I will share more of that message and I pray that it helps give you the courage to do whatever it is that He is asking of you.

A Place of Change

I just realized that I never got around to posting about my birthday activities. And since I've made a reputation for myself as someone who celebrates her birthday MONTH, it really doesn't make all that much difference that I'm a week late in doing so.

Chris and Park did a great job of making me feel special. I was treated to a dinner and a movie, followed by a round of present opening. But, perhaps the most meaningful thing we did on my birthday involved something that has been in the works for the last couple of years.

A visit to Allaso Ranch.

Allaso Ranch is the new camp facility our church is building. Chris and I have been deeply invested in this project because we believe in all the life change that will happen there. Providing the perfect environment of both refuge and recreation for the children and students of Fellowship Church, this camp will be a place where lives are altered forever.

Chris has been out several times throughout the building process, but this was the first time that Park and I, along with many of the Sr. High staff members, had the opportunity to experience it.

As we stood on the property, it was overwhelming to see the dream come to life. I was overcome by the magnitude, the scope of God's plan. At Allaso Ranch, the next generation will come to know Christ. Leaders will be developed. Future pastors, teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, musicians, actors, entrepreneurs, businessmen and woman will give their life to the One who gave them theirs.

And those who already know Him will be strengthened and empowered to serve Him more passionately.

As we toured each portion of the facility we prayed fervently for every person that steps foot on those camp grounds, asking that no person leave the same as when they came. I teared up listening to Chris challenging his staff, saying, "It is humbling to know that God allowed us to be the first group of leaders to take students to this place of change. We cannot take this awesome of a responsibility lightly. He has empowered us to reach a lost generation and enabled us to use this camp to change the face of history. The question is are you ready to be used?"

As Park listened intently to his daddy, I heard the faintest little "Yes!" whispered from his sweet lips. I couldn't help but smile and imagine how God will indeed use Park in the years to come.

Of course this was moments before he threw one of the worker's tools off the balcony, bringing the daydream to an abrupt halt.

Thankfully, when we return to Allaso Ranch for the month of July, all the tools will be put away and the workers will be long gone. In their place will be hundreds of high school students ready to encounter the Lord. And right alongside those students will be hundreds of volunteers and staff ready to be used for His purpose.

And one mischievous 2-year-old who is fortunate enough to be immersed in it all. Well, minus any camp activities that take place on the balcony.

Sr. High Staff (and a thirsty Park)
Is there any water left in that cup?
Allaso Ranch Worship Center
This is only 1/3 of the kitchen!
Inside the Worship Center

Waterslide and Zip Lines
Waterpark
Lazy River

Cabins

Inside Cabin

*These pictures don't even begin to do the camp justice. I have so many more to post, but at least this gives you an idea.

Rocking Back and Forth

When I was pregnant with Park, I quickly became overwhelmed by the vast amount of choices that come with creating a nursery; Converter crib or regular? Changing table or dresser? Mobile or Flutterbye soother? Theme or no theme?

As if having a baby is not life altering enough without having to agonize over bedding choices.

Rocking back and forth, back and forth, in my decisions, it was time for someone to step in. An intervention of sorts, if you will.

So, I was very thankful when my sweet friend, Nikki, put me out of my misery of glider inspection by steering me towards one of my most favorite baby paraphernalia purchases to date. (Which actually wasn't baby specific at all.)

I was hesitant at first, mainly because of the large price tag it held, but she assured me it would be so worth it that I would never regret the initial investment. And courtesy of hindsight, I'm hear to tell you that this is the way to go when it comes to rocking babies, ladies:

Many nights were spent in that chair, reclined just so, to accommodate the little wondrous miracle sleeping on my chest. (Or not sleeping, as the case usually was, but at least we were comfortable in our state of exhaustion.)

That chair held me tightly as I cried the tears of a new mother, overwhelmed by the constant demands of caring for her infant. It cushioned my tingling arm, asleep from the weight of a lengthy nurser. Rocking back and forth, back and forth, I prayed for guidance on how to raise a man after God's own heart.

As that baby grew and his mommy's hormones got back under control, that chair was also a refuge for us to escape to a quiet place where we could stare into each other's eyes and fall more deeply in love. Rocking back and forth, back and forth, Park's chubby fingers stroked my hair while the rest of the world melted away.

That chair also supported the weight of a father and son, nestled into a bundle of cuddles. Rocking back and forth, back and forth, Park experienced the tenderness of his daddy's love.

Many afternoons that chair endured an endless amount of book reading, as the young toddler sitting in his mommy's lap hung on every word. It had a front row seat to the belly laughs and squeals of delight when no, in fact, there was no monster at the end of the book. Just lovable old Grover.

As that bundle grew from baby to boy, that chair transformed into a jungle gym, challenging Park to climb all the way to the top. And then jump off. Or to stand on the head rest, rocking back and forth with outstretched arms, balancing just so as to spare his Mommy from complete heart failure.

One day in the future, when all the babies have been rocked and read to and all the toddlers have lost interest in attempting death defying stunts, that chair will claim it's rightful place in our living room.

Where I will sit, rocking back and forth, back and forth, waiting for my teenagers to safely arrive home from various school dances or an evening out with friends.

And later down the road, I will hopefully cradle my grand babies in that same chair, rocking back and forth, back and forth, as their sweet smells take me to another time, another place.

Yes, Nikki was definitely right about one thing.

I'll never regret ALL the investments made in that chair. Rocking back and forth, back and forth, it's presence will serve as a reminder to cherish every single moment (both the comfortable and not so comfortable) and to nurture all the relationships God places in my life.

The Big Picture

Getting to Bible study today proved to be challenging once again. It poured down rain, thus making traffic completely horrendous.

As I crawled through the parking lot named Highway 114, I called Bridget to see if she was making better progress than me. I felt a tad bit relieved to know she was no closer than I was since I assumed they would not start without her. Mainly because she was teaching the class and all.

Moments before arriving at the church, Chris called to tell me there was no electrical power on the entire campus. Childcare building included. And as much as I wanted to cry, at least I didn't.

But you would have never known it judging from the number the rain had done on my mascara by the time I entered the building.

However, Fellowship Church is nothing if not diligent at getting God's message out. Not to be deterred by something as insignificant as electricity, they had already set up makeshift childcare rooms in the main building, complete with tubs of blocks and handwritten name tags. The generator and large windows provided just enough light to minister to the overactive group of children, desperately excited by all the controlled chaos.

(May the Lord draw near to the hearts of those preschool volunteers.)

And although Bridget had to teach with no mic or slides in the middle of a large walkway, she did a beautiful job of conveying truth about God's will for our lives.

She started by talking about past experiences in seeking God's direction in specific situations, anxiously begging God to spell it out with a burning bush. She spoke openly about frustrations and discouragement she has encountered when those answers did not come in the manner or time frame she desired.

I'm not sure about you, but I can relate to those same frustrations and feelings of anxiety. Times in my life when the gravity of the situation pressed in on me as I sat, frantically waiting for God to give me clarity.

Upon graduating college, which city should I move to? Job should I take? Church should I attend? How will I know if he is the man I should marry? The house we should buy? The timing for having children?

So many questions, so little direction. Or so it seemed in the moment.

But the truth that I've come to rely on was summed up so eloquently as God spoke through Bridget. Although there are many seemingly unknowns, we have already been given the big picture by Jesus in John 6:40. "For its is my Father's will that all who see His Son and believe in him should have eternal life- that I should raise them at the last day."

When we put our specific struggles against the backdrop of the big picture, fuzzy details suddenly are illuminated by the light. For example, will this job put me in a place where I can know Him more, still allowing me time and flexibility to serve in my church? Will this new position allow me to make His name known? Does this man I'm dating foster my ability to know Christ more intimately, encouraging me to seek Him first?

There is freedom in knowing that many times, God's will grants me choices in the specifics, allowing me to do a variety of things as long as they line up against His big picture. I don't have to spend my life agonizing over choices that may very well glorify Him equally.

Sometimes I make His will so complicated that I suffer an analysis of paralysis, painstakingly bogged down in the details. In reality, many times God is telling me the same thing he told Moses after hearing him tell the people to stand where they were and watch the Lord rescue them.

"Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!"- Exodus 14:15

(Those of you that know my husband well will not be surprised to know that this is one of his favorite verses in Scripture.)

Another truth in my own life that is disheartening to own up to is that I spend so much time treating God as my own personal GPS navigator, that I forget to foster the relationship. Where, God? Oh, no answer yet? OK, well I'll check in later. What should I do, God? Nothing still? OK, I'll drop in tomorrow.

God doesn't want me to discover His will as much as He wants me to discover HIM. It's not so much about a destination as it is about a relationship. He wants me to hunger to know Him intimately, to desire more of Him in every area of my life. To crave His presence because of my love for His truth, His passion, His wisdom, His deliverance.

To take it all in, so that I can pour it out on others.

And when I seek His face and share his grace, the answers that previously eluded me simply fall into place. (I'm seeing a cheesy bumper sticker business in my future if I don't get off the rhyming kick very soon)

The details in getting to class today may not have been easy, but it was well worth the trouble in light of the big picture.

(Thanks for bringing it today, Bridget!)

Just for you

Mom,

Today, on your birthday, there are several things I want you to know. And although I've told you many times throughout the years, there truly are not enough words to reflect the impact you've made on my life.

Some of my earliest childhood memories are of specific things you did to make me feel special. Whether it was making pancakes that spelled out my name, taking the time to delicately work my hair into "10 braids", staying up into the wee hours to help me when I procrastinated until the night before the spelling bee to learn any words, or simply listening intently to my long winded stories, you made me feel valued and important. One of the greatest gifts you have given me as a woman is self-esteem and confidence.

You never belittled what I was feeling. EVER. You cried with me for my hurts even when you must have known how insignificant they were against the backdrop of my life. You gave me perspective on disappointments, but did it in a way that showed the utmost concern and compassion for what I was experiencing in that moment. You spoke words of life and encouragement straight to my heart, opening up a world of victory for my future. And when those victories knocked on my door, you celebrated with me with as much enthusiasm as if they were your own.

I have countless memories of you reading your Bible and praying fervently on our behalf. But what made the greatest impact, was having a front row seat to how you lived it out. I watched you and Dad cling to the Lord in good and bad times, praising Him equally for both. I watched you show the same grace and mercy to those who had plenty as to those in great need. I wanted to be just like you, desperate for whatever it was that made you different from so many others. Because of you, I found Christ.

In my teenage years, you were not only interested in me, but those Challi and I were interested in. You ministered to everyone who stepped foot through the doorway of our home. And so many of our high school friends know the Lord because of you.

As I matured into a young adult, you found the perfect balance in holding me closely while letting me go. You equipped me throughout the journey, giving me the confidence to find my own way when the time came. And just when I thought I had the best possible relationship with you that a mother and daughter could have, I experienced you as the Lolli to my son. Seeing you love Park, oh, the unspeakable joy!

I know you aren't perfect, but you model Jesus to me. There is a tenderness in you that I so admire. Thank you for teaching me how to be a woman of God, loving others so much more than yourself. Thank you for pouring yourself into my life and the lives of those I love. And how could I end this post without putting the one thing you like to see most on my blog?:

Happy Birthday, Mom!!! We love you.

Stumbling Blocks

If you ever question if spiritual warfare is real, just try and make it to church on time and see what happens.

Judging from how badly the devil wanted to keep me away from Bible study yesterday, there is no doubt that God is using this class in a mighty way. And when he wasn't successful at keeping me away, his next plan was to steal so much of my joy before entering the building that I missed the message altogether. He is nothing if not persistent.

Fortunately, I've read the end of The Book and Christ wins anyway. Game over, devil.

Yesterday was one of those days. THOSE days. You know, the kind where you leave 15 minutes early, yet arrive 30 minutes late. Where despite your best efforts to be responsible, you realize that you forgot just about everything you tried to pack the night before, including your Bible. And the contacts that allow you to see long distances.

Thankfully, I did remember to put my child in the car, at least. Which brings me to the next stumbling block of the day. Literally.

Minutes before I finally arrived to my class, poor Park fell on the steps leading into the church childcare classrooms. He screamed bloody murder, which was appropriate considering that was exactly what his face looked like. There was so much blood, I couldn't even decide where it was coming from. My feeble attempts to clean him up finally revealed a very busted lip, scraped up chin, and a pink shirt that was in desperate need of a spit bath.

Oddly enough, the pink shirt in question belonged to him instead of me, which is probably why he felt the need to cover it in mud and spill his blood over it. Men do like to mark their territory, don't they?

But lo and behold a servant of the Lord appeared . Now, when she asked if we were in need of some ice, I expected that it would be fairly similar to the Elmo boo-boo ice pack that lives in our own refrigerator at home. The ice pack that Park refuses to put on any injury because it is , "TOO COLD, MOMMY!"

This servant of the Lord was no rookie mom, though. She was a seasoned veteran of mercy that knew the way to win over a man's boo boo was through his stomach. Her special ice came in the shape of a green flavor ice Popsicle and Park found no fault with it's temperature. He compliantly left it in the package, nursing his gaping wound, in exchange for the opportunity to eat it as soon as he felt well enough for me to leave him.

It took about zero point eight seconds for him to thrust his fat lip my direction for a quick kiss and a "See you later, Mommy!"

That boo boo ice is some powerful stuff, I tell you. Why didn't I think of that one myself?

But you know what's even more powerful than that ice? The message that I got to hear yesterday when I finally made it to Bible study.

With my joy hanging by a thread, but still in tact.