Spit It Out

I need to be perfectly upfront with you by saying this post goes against everything Southern and lady-like that I've ever believed in. But, for the sake of stain free clothing, I have decided to throw social graces to the wind and let you in on this dirty little secret.

It was handed down to me by my precious friend and neighbor who is a resident expert on impossible stains, courtesy of her three little boys, spanning in ages from five to one.

We frequent one another's houses throughout the week to let our boys play for an hour or so, while we visit and break up the monotony of cold winter days. Her boys have taken Park in as their fourth brother and we typically find them dog piling each other in the playroom, while giggling uncontrollably.

On one particular occasion, Park had the unfortunate experience of face planting on someone's elbow, busting his mouth wide open. Although I've been known to be quite squeamish when it comes to gaping wounds in my pre-child days, I'd have to say that Park has done a stellar job of desensitizing me to such injuries. I can't even begin to tell you how much blood this sweet child has shed in the first two years of his young life, since he seems to live by the motto, "Go Hard or Go Home."

And lest you worry there was any crying involved, let me assure you that I had to chase him down and swoop him up against his will, in an attempt to stop him from continued play and further spreading his blood around her house.

In doing so, I managed to turn my white pullover into a lovely new shade of red. After we were able to stop the blood bath and clean up her carpet, I commented that I would be trashing my pullover if OxiClean didn't come through in the clutch.

I could see that she was conflicted in how to respond to this statement, as if she wanted to divulge some life altering advice, but wasn't exactly sure how to word such delicate information.

So, in an attempt to respect her privacy, I hounded her mercilessly until she dropped this bombshell.

"If you spit on it and then rub the saliva in before washing, the stain will totally come out."

Now, let's take a moment to let that soak in fully.

(I suddenly feel the need to clarify that the aforementioned pause was to allow the information to digest as opposed to the actual spit.)

Does anyone else find it concerning that human saliva contains so much acidity that it is able to remove stubborn substances more powerfully than chemicals found in the leading stain removers?

And, sadly, I'm not exactly sure what I find more disturbing; the above information or the fact that I've just encouraged a respectable group of dignified ladies to SPIT on their clothing.

Either way, I must say it totally worked. Granted, I still wanted to throw away the pullover just knowing the amount of bodily fluids it had been subjected to throughout the experience.

On that note, feel free to send your daughters to my house for etiquette training on any lady-like behaviors you would like to see them exhibit. Cross your fingers that my neighbor will be available for a guest speaking spot.

*Disclaimer: My humble neighbor wanted me to clarify that she cannot take credit for inventing such brilliance and is merely an information disseminator for other ladies who are being held captive by dirty laundry.

(Head on over to Rocks in My Dryer for more WFMW tips)