Shameful Family Secret Exposed

A few days ago, Bridget and I loaded our kids up in her minivan and headed over for a play date at Sarah's, along with our friend Angela.

As expected, within minutes, our children had scattered enough hot wheels, Lego's, dress up paraphernalia, and other various items across the house to entertain themselves for a few hours.

Somehow in the midst of multiple diaper changes, breaking up sharing squabbles and helping children in and out of costumes, we managed to have actual conversation.

One of the topics we discussed involved habits we are currently trying to break our children of and as we did so, those who had already found success in that particular area shared their motherly wisdom.

My area of concern?...The pacifier habits of a certain little boy.

Brace yourself, as I reveal that Park still sleeps with his pacifier (or as it is known in our family, pa). It looks hilarious to see my very over sized, highly verbal three-year-old sucking furiously on this itty bitty baby apparatus. Yet, there seems to be no end in sight.

In case you are wondering about the motherly wisdom I received on this subject, let me just start by saying this is why I love these people.

First order of business, Sarah reminded me that no adults we know still require one to sleep. And if Park does happen to be the first grown man to hold on to his pacifier habit, nobody will really know about it, besides his wife, who will already be joined with him for life by the time she discovers this quirky little problem.

Truly, she has a gift for putting things in perspective.

Bridget was quick to point out that anyone who scales the shelves of his closet to secretly obtain the treasured item might not be quite ready to dispose of it at this particular juncture in life.

It was at this point that I felt it necessary to fully disclose the seriousness of the situation.

You see, Park comes from a long line of pacifier hoarders, but perhaps the most serious offender of all is his Lolli.

When Lolli was 5-years-old, some family friends who had a small baby came for a visit. Upon leaving, the distressed mother of that unhappy baby realized a pacifier had been misplaced. Everyone tore the house up in an attempt to restore the missing item to the young child.

Everyone EXCEPT Lolli, that is.

It turns out that my precious, wouldn't hurt a fly mother FAKED looking for the beloved item. She waited until the unsuspecting guests had completely given up the rescue mission and left without it before she made her move.

The door had barely closed behind them before she swooped in and retrieved the MIA pacifier from behind the recliner. Making a mad dash to her bedroom, she stored the stolen treasure in her dresser, where she intermittently sucked it mercilessly for the next several years.

As I relayed the shameful family secret to my girlfriends, their eyes widened with amazement.

"Yeah, you are working against some serious odds," they said, thoughtfully assessing the situation.

That seemed like an opportune moment for Sarah to whip out the Pioneer Woman's sheet cake for consolation, as they reiterated that Park's wife will be the only person who will know that he still sleeps with his pacifier.

And it probably goes without saying that Lolli is not pushing for Park to be stripped of his pa, either.