A Mildly Exagerated Tale

Yesterday, my neighbor Michelle and I threw caution to the wind and took a trip to Six Flags Amusement Park, despite the fact that that it was projected to be over 105 degrees. Apparently, it takes more than being able to fry an egg on the concrete to scare us away from some good old fashioned Texas fun.

And had we known what was in store for us, the scorching temperature would have been the least of our worries.

Now, keep in mind that Michelle is one of those oober prepared people by nature. Her son Jacob is just six months older than Park and prior to our trip she had taken her trusty little park map and marked it up for all the rides deemed height appropriate for our boys. Upon arriving, she navigated us directly to the Looney Tunes area, which according to the Six Flags rating system, fell into the "Mild" category.

The boys skipped from one ride to the next, as if they were professionals. The smile on Park's face was so huge that I could see it clearly from the ground, even when he ascended high into the sky on the airplane ride.

Eventually, the boys walked up on a roll-a coaster that required a parent to ride with them. And that might have been an issue for some kids, but being that Park and Jacob were born to mommies who hunger for an adrenaline rush, we hopped on as giddy as they were.

UNTIL, the ride actually BEGAN...

Can I just say that whoever was in charge of determining the rating system is in need of a serious psychological evaluation?

MILD???? MILD, I ask you???

Call me crazy, but I believe lost hats, whiplash, and broken necks rate at least "Moderate". It's not like I'm asking for an "Extreme" , because it only makes sense that someone actually has to lose their life on the ride before it earns that rating. But, people, work with me here.

As the ride came to a screeching halt, complete with smoking wheels and ear piercing squeals, those in the back of the roller coaster suddenly found themselves relocated to the front. Thankfully, we were already in the front, so we simply landed on the exit ramp and ran like mad to get as far away from that torturous experience as possible.

Well, we would have run had our necks not been snapped in two.

That, and the fact that our children had already made their way back in line to ride it again. I actually saw tears in the eyes of a father whose daughter said, "Daddy, let's do that together one more time!"

A grown man, muscular enough to play in the NFL, driven to tears by the sheer panic of having to repeat the ride once again.

That has "Moderate" rating written all over it, I tell you.

All in all, we had a blast. The boys had the time of their lives and Michelle and I laughed until we almost wet our pants. And in hindsight, it really wouldn't have mattered, considering how drenched we were by The Aqua Man, which coincidentally was the one ride we didn't even get on.

However, apparently dropping vertical into a river at a speed fast enough to cause a tidal wave that soaks those simply walking by at an inopportune moment doesn't get you more than a "Mild" rating either.

And on that note, since me driving this point into the ground is probably getting "Mildly" old, let's just move on to some fun pics from our memorable day: