Hypothetical Sleep Issues MULTIPLIED

Events started happening last week that led me to believe I might have some reason for concern. Since that time I've worked diligently to remain in a state of denial, but I'm afraid the truth is rearing its ugly head more and more each night.

As much as I would love to disclose this disheartening information to you, I don't want to use this blog to point out any hypothetical sleep issues that Park may or may not have inherited from his father.

However, if Park were developing those hypothetical sleep issues, my night may have looked something like this.

11pm: Find Park sitting on the floor in his room, saying nothing and staring off into space. Return him to bed.

1 AM: Awaken to loud squeaking noises on the baby monitor. Arrive in Park's room just in time to see him standing on top of his rocking chair with his arms stretched out as if he is surfing. Hear him mumbling something about, "You have to move like this." Return him to bed.

4:30 AM: Awaken to an alarming crash on baby monitor. Bolt out of bed, sprint into Park's room to find that he is in his closet and has knocked down a box of diapers while intermittently speaking gibberish and asking not to wear his shoes anymore. Glance down at his bare feet before returning him to bed again.

5:45 AM: Awaken to husband standing next to the bed mumbling that he has to get Park. Wonder if you were so tired that you might have slept through son's cries. Hear Chris on the baby monitor telling Park that, "Daddy is here, you don't have to cry anymore." Become perplexed at how Chris' voice is crystal clear yet you are unable to hear even the slightest of whimpers. Stumble into son's room to find Park asleep in his bed and husband in the rocking chair, comforting a blanket. Return husband to bed while reminding yourself to enjoy the humor in this once you have GOTTEN SOME SLEEP ALREADY!

5:50 AM Endlessly toss and turn, plagued by the fear that you are the only sane person that lives in your house. Contemplate how one could live in your body for nine whole months and yet completely bypass all your DNA, taking 100% of his father's. Consider someday warning future daughter in law of all the sleepless nights she has ahead of her. Decide against it for fear you may have to live with BOTH of your crazy men for the rest of your sleepless life.

5:55 AM Jolt up in bed after thinking you hear Park say something you can't believe. Crank up the volume on baby monitor while straining your ear against it. Plain as day, hear Park repeat once again, "Target is in time out. Target is in time out."

5:56 AM Assured that son does, in fact, have at least 1% of your DNA, lean over to kiss sleeping husband's forehead before peacefully drifting off to sleep. Realize that even though they might keep you up all hours of the night, you're as crazy about your two guys as they are crazy.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.